All That I Am
by Chibi Rose Angel
Summary: As an older sibling, sometimes it's hard to relate to your other siblings. Sometimes, it even feels as though, you don't understand them at all.


**_Author's Notes_**: Okay, this time around, I'm writing about Leonardo. This is the final story in my collection of one shots. For Leonardo, I chose to write about his feelings towards his brothers. Not that this is a new topic but this is just my take on how Leo feels about his brothers.

**_Disclaimer_**: If I owned the TMNT franchise, do you know how much money I'd have? TONS and I mean TONS of it. Until that day comes, I'll just have to dream of some other kind of way to get that money.

It's almost time for morning practice. This morning, however, I've woken up a little bit too early, so I've decided to spend this morning in quiet reflection. While I lay in my bed, with the covers strewn about me, my thoughts end up drifting towards my brothers.

I am the oldest of four siblings. And being viewed as such, it's my responsibility to look after my other siblings. Sometimes though, it's so hard trying to be the big brother that I'm supposed to be. In what ways you ask? Allow me to tell you about each of my brothers.

The first brother that I'm going to tell you about is Raphael. He is known for being a hotheaded, stubborn, egotistical, jerk that opens his mouth before he thinks. He has also been given the nicknames 'Secret Weapon' and 'Turtle of Steel.'

It's no surprise seeing as how he lives up to both of those nicknames on a daily basis. He likes to take off on his own and live life very dangerously on the edge. I have tried time and time again, to make Raph realize that he has to put a stop to this destructive lifestyle, but he never listens to me.

Sometimes I feel as though, I might as well be talking to a brick wall. It's not like I love to torture him or lecture him for every little thing, it's just that I worry about him. Maybe I haven't always expressed that worry in the right way, but he should know I only reprimand him because I care about him.

I would hate to wake up one morning, only to find out that Raph finally did himself end because of one of his late night escapades. Then there's the fact that his best friend happens to be Casey Jones.

It's not that I don't like Casey. I just don't like the fact that he and Raph are so alike. Whenever Casey is around, I always feel uneasy. I'm almost certain that one of these days, Casey is going to be an instrumental factor in Raph's untimely demise.

Then there's Donatello. He is known for being our resident medical and scientific genius. Anything dealing with electronics, technology, or just science in general, is Don's specialty. He only has one nickname which is 'Techo-geek.' We like to call him that because that's exactly what he is. If you were to lock him in his lab for an entire day, he'd be one happy turtle.

This particular brother of mine's is a pacifist who would rather solve problems with his head rather than shedding someone's blood. In our line of work, however, one can not guarantee that all problems can be solved without fighting.

While I love Don to death, he's rather hard to deal with sometimes, and that's because his head is always in a book, or he's always tinkering around with something in the lab.

Or better yet, he gets so absorbed in his work that you literally have to pull him away from them. I have to constantly remind him that he should train more and that he should stop spending so much time in his lab but my words often fall on deaf ears.

And finally there's Michelangelo. What can I say about him? He can be quite a pain in the shell sometimes. He has an annoying habit of bothering you to until you finally cave in to what he wants. He has too much energy for his own good and the one thing I should warn you about is his sense of humor.

Whenever April Fool's Day is approaching, we always have to be on guard around him. That's because we never know what he's planning. Raph, Don, and myself have one nickname that suits him perfectly though.

We like to call him 'The Pest.' I have to admit that while his energetic ways are appreciated, sometimes it's just too much for me to handle. He can never quite concentrate if he's too excited and dear Lord, I don't even want to go into detail about practice or patrol duty.

Sometimes, I think the only effective way to get him to train would be by threatening to destroy his comic books or action figures. I would never do that to him though because for one thing, he'd never let me hear the end of it. Secondly, if I ever did that, Master Splinter would probably have me replace every last comic book and action figure.

The only real complaint I have about Mikey is the fact that he doesn't want to or better yet refuses to grow up. There's nothing wrong with reading comic books or having action figures. It's just that as ninjas, we are supposed to be prepared for anything.

While I love my brothers to death, they just don't understand how hard it is to be an older brother let alone leader. They've never had the chance to walk a mile in my shoes but yet they constantly criticize me for being too harsh on them.

It's in the job description. I'm a big brother. I'm supposed to be annoying, mean, harsh, bothersome, meddlesome, and let's not forget the classic theory of being perfect.

I did not ask Master Splinter to give me the role of leader. While growing up, my brothers were always able to enjoy the finer things in life while I couldn't. They were able to have fun and relax while I had to constantly train and hone my skills as a ninja as well as a leader. They were able to be normal, healthy, and happy children while I had to grow up before my time.

I don't try to push them away or keep them at an arm's distance either. Whether it is through my lectures or my actions, somehow I always manage to prove the age old saying: 'You always manage to hurt the ones you love most.'

I have always had their best intentions in mind but they never see it that way. Somehow, my brothers always manage to twist my concern and worry for them, into me only caring about ninjistu or trying to be the next Master Splinter.

There's more to me than what my brothers see every day. I have fears and insecurities just like them. I have my moments where I just want to give up and throw in the towel.

I have my days where I actually don't feel like or even want to be a ninja but my brothers don't know this. They are and will always be under the impression that ninjistu is my life.

Ninjistu is not my life, however, because my number one priority is my family. While I do train very hard and push myself well beyond my limits, nothing can take the place of my family. I may get annoyed with Raph and his behavior but I wouldn't have him any other way.

I may not like the fact that Don is always in his lab fiddling around with some new project, but that is who he is. And lastly, I would never want Mikey to be anyone other than himself.

I may never understand or even come to a complete understanding with my brothers; but there is one thing that I will have to make them understand someday. It is the simple fact that I am a big brother who worries about his younger brothers constantly. That my biggest fear is waking up one day to find out that I have failed them.

This is why I have to push aside my feelings on why my brothers can't or won't understand me and shoulder this particular burden as best I can.


End file.
